"The Power of the Process"

It’s been over 3 weeks since I wrote my last blog. My birthday was yesterday and I began to hear God speaking through different people who He had placed in my life to celebrate this day with me. They began to minister to me and encourage me to keep on the road to my destiny. Then today a Facebook friend of mine reached out to me for prayer because she was suicidal.

As I began to minister to her and counsel her I began to get a revelation on our issues in life and on our mental processes. We have to understand that there is a process to purpose. And in that process you have to gain the characteristic or discipline of accountability. So many things take place in our life. People intentionally hurt us, they abuse us, and they steal, kill and even attempt to destroy us.

Our ex’s stalk us and threaten to take our lives, our spouses cheat on us, our friends betray us and even our parents and guardians abuse us. We allow the effects of those incidents to cripple and hinder us from moving forward. We blame our shortcomings and bad decision making on our absentee fathers or our abusive mothers. We never hold ourselves accountable for our actions.

I was a victim of child hood molestation from 6 years old until I was about 16 years of age. I struggled with low self esteem, sexual identity issues, masturbation and etc. I have since been saved and delivered but for the past month I have been stuck in a vicious cycle of sexual sin. As a result I started blaming my current situation on my past abuse. It wasn’t my fault that I was back in sexual sin, it was my uncle’s fault, it was my abuser’s fault, and it was my Pastors’ fault for not calling and checking up on me. I was wrong. No one forced me to return back, no one held me up at gun point. I went back because I was weak. I went back because I decided to. I went back because it was easier than fighting the loneliness that I was feeling. I went back because the process to my purpose became too intense. I went back because I doubted who I was in God. I went back because of me.

In that moment I realized I needed accountability. I needed to stop being a victim and actually start being a victor. Yes those bad things happened to us. Yes they scared us and left residue but they have no power over us unless we allow them to. Some wounds leave scares and marks that won’t ever disappear but they can be worn with confidence and as a symbol of survival. As I was counseling the young lady she started to tell me how she needed a husband and someone to love her so she could survive and deal with life.

Then I realized hey, this sounds like me. I have said so many times I need a wife so this struggle can be over. I need a wife so I can deal with this loneliness. Then the revelation hit me. We don’t marry to fill voids. We don’t get into friendships and have children to fill voids. We marry to create a new life, we marry to create a new entity, we marry to celebrate our wholeness, and we marry because we are complete. We have children because we have too much love to contain within ourselves so we have to pass it on to new life. We create friendships to share our lives and love with others.

We can’t be broken and get married. We can’t be broken and have children. We can’t be broken have meaningful friendships. That’s why we have to go through the process to gain our purpose and position. We have to learn to love ourselves and learn to be content with being alone. We have to work on becoming a whole person before we can share a life with another. Esther went through a year process of preparation before she was even introduced to the king. Ruth was gleaming in the garden when Boaz first saw her. These stories from scripture tell me that we have to be working in our purpose and make it through our process before we can be positioned to access our prosperity. So join me on the process, let’s repent and go back to the throne of our Father and get back into our process. Let’s allow Jesus to truly heal those hurt and dry places in our lives. Let’s start loving ourselves. Let’s overcome loneliness together so that we won’t be strayed away by every form of intimacy that the enemy sends our way. Let’s wait patiently while being submitted to God’s process to prepare us for our predestined purpose. 

"Living but Dying"

I was very hesitant to write this blog because once again I would be allowing myself to become transparent to all of you. For fear of being a letdown to you guys I hesitated, then I remembered my promise to my loyal readers and my brothers and sisters in Christ and that is to always be transparent so that my shortcomings can be used as tools of your deliverance and weapons in your battles to overcome.  

As I lay there, violated by my weakness to allow myself to go back to sexual sin, my memories began to flood my mind and my emotions become more and more salient. While he was touching me, I felt violated, I felt uncomfortable but I didn’t ask him to stop. As his advances intensified my disgust grew and my spirit grieved and my mind and spirit cried out stop but I never told him to. I laid there, I allowed him to continue and continue and when it was over I was paralyzed. The condemnation set in. The disappointment set in. The disgust set in. As he sat across from me witnessing my plethora of emotions and my state of disgust, foolishly he asked was I ok, like it was something he had done.

I thought to myself, no it’s all on me. This is my fight that I forfeited. This is my rope that I hung myself with. I had the chance to erase the text. I had the chance to not resend my address. I had the chance to not open the door and to just say no but I didn’t.

I am saved, delivered, set free and an uprising influential author, I write about deliverance, I tweet and post statuses about deliverance and here I am laying in my bed of sin. Here I am back to where I started, but how.  How did this happen to me?

Then reluctant, naked and ashamed, I picked myself up and embarrassingly stumbled back into the arms of Jesus. Once again I was asking for forgiveness for something I had been delivered and set free from. I truly felt like a dog going back to his own vomit.  Then I realized I am empty. There is no residue left. I have no gas in the tank. I am spiritually on “E”.

See my friends in the natural we are forever accessing knowledge through our experiences and teachings. That knowledge fuels our decision making and behavior. What we read, see and experience create how we act, react and live in our society. See I was feeding my flesh.  My humanly nature was being edified and taken care of but I was starving my spirit. I wasn’t reading my bible. Because of work I had been missing church, missing my weekly feeding. I wasn’t praying like before, missing my communion with God, furthering myself from His presence and starving myself spiritually all the while indulging myself naturally. 

 Understand that our spiritual flesh controls our natural flesh and that our spiritual flesh operates off of the words of this world. The concepts, ideas, beliefs and attitudes we are socialized to have gives our spiritual flesh the power it needs to control us. For example, if you see or read about some type of sexual encounter, it fuels your spiritual flesh and a thought is formulated in your mind, then that thought is then acted out and manifested through your natural flesh. This same model applies to the Spirit of God that lives within you and the word of God.

The Spirit of God doesn’t move based upon your needs and what you say, the Spirit of God moves to bring to manifestation what the word of God has professed. In the book of Genesis your bible said that the Spirit of the Lord moved across the waters and then God spoke and there was. See the Spirit of God is always moving and ready to operate in according to what the word commands. It wasn’t until God spoke that things were formed.  It wasn’t until God said let us make man in our own image that the Spirit of God reacted and created the breathe of life that was used to create man. See man wasn’t created in the image of God through clay or dirt. Because God isn’t made of clay or dirt, God isn’t flesh. Man’s spirit is the image of God. The clay or dirt was just the vessel used to house the Spirit of God so that God could be able to send Jesus to save the world. See God is all knowing, he is omniscient and omnipresent. This means He knew Adam would fall and bring damnation to our species. See God had already had a plan to send Jesus, that’s why and how He orchestrated the lineage of Christ.

Your bible says greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world. That scripture means that the Spirit of God that lives within you has the capacity and authority that supercedes anything that is wordly or created by the prince of the air or your spiritual flesh. With this revelation I realized my issue was that it wasn’t any word in me to activate the Spirit of God within me.

See I was lacking intimacy with the Father; he had not been able to pour into my spirit. He had not been able to strengthen me; He had not been able to make me sensitive to His moves and His ways of escape. I was so caught up with the things of this world. I was so caught up with my fleshly desires. When I say fleshly desires I am not always talking about things we view as sinful or evil. Fleshly desires can be obtaining more money or status, obtaining an education, a relationship, a family or a hobby. See the way we think, react and live in this natural world all initially come from our fleshly desires.

I had been feeding my flesh, giving it the word of the world, which activated my appetites and my desires. So when the opportunity presented itself, I fell for it. It was because I had no word in me to activate the Spirit of God within me, to lift up the standard against the enemy to keep me free from sin. See you can’t fight flesh with flesh. You can’t overcome your sinful desires through your own will because your own will comes from your natural manifestations of your fleshly desires. So you have to allow the Spirit of God to speak to your spiritual flesh and bring it under subjection. This happens by becoming one with the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God isn’t activated by your words or instructions; the Spirit of God brings to pass what the word of God decrees and declares. So in order for us to be victorious we need to fuel ourselves with the word of the living God so that when the tempter comes the Spirit of the Lord will be able to operate on our behalf and lift up a standard against him. 

The Power of the Butterfly Effect

The life of a Butterfly provides deep revelational insight into the life of a believer. I believe that God created certain aspects of nature to give us natural knowledge that unlocks spiritual truths about who we are in God.  Sometimes spiritual things are too deep for us to digest because we are still on milk when God is trying to give us meat.  As I was sitting at the table and talking with my spiritual parents about some of my trials my spiritual mother mentioned something about the butterfly effect.

See the butterfly in all its beauty, uniqueness and majesty doesn’t start of so majestic. In fact, the butterfly starts off as a slimy, slow, inadequate, weak caterpillar that is at the beckon of nature’s call. The caterpillar’s life is always in danger; it never has a moment without some type of distress because it’s weak, young and vulnerable. But then something magnificent happens. The season changes and the timing is just right and the caterpillar finds itself wrapped in a cocoon of metamorphosis where it is being transformed into the creature it was destined to become.

Throughout all the bumps in the road, the unstableness of the wind, the rainy days, and the cold nights nothing could have stopped the caterpillar’s season of metamorphosis to come. It is its destiny to be transformed into something greater.

So it is in the natural, it is in the spiritual realm as well. In your bible, Jesus told Nicodemus unless a man is born again he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. Meaning unless a man is transformed from his old state and reborn into his new state then he cannot be in right relationship with the Father and consequently cannot be transformed into who he was destined to become.

See when God saved you it was your season, your timing to be wrapped in the cocoon called the Holy Spirit. Inside that wrapping, the Holy Spirit initiated your metamorphosis; He changed your mindset, your behavior, your thought process, and your desires. He gave you strength where you were weak and covered you were you were naked and vulnerable. Yes you started off like the slimy caterpillar, held captive by the dictates of the world, your environment and circumstances but your season came.

See the bible says that a man must be born of water and of the Spirit.  To be born of water means to be born from your mother’s womb (naturally). Before any child is born there is a breaking of water.  To be born of the Spirit means to be reborn by the metamorphosis and transforming power of the Holy Spirit. See at salvation is where you were wrapped in your cocoon and then in due time, the walls of your cocoon cracked and emerged was a totally different entity. Your look was different, your smell was different, and your genetic makeup was different. No longer were you weak, frail, ugly and vulnerable. You emerged a new creature in Christ, old things were passed away and all things had become new.

When the butterfly first emerges from the cocoon it has to get used to its new identity, it has to learn to operate in its new destiny. When it attempts to fly, it’s take off is a little shaky, it’s strength is a little limited but as it goes through the process of understanding who it is, it gains its strength, it gains its momentum and finally it stretches it’s wings and illuminated by the sun, its’ marvelous new identity is seen by all of nature.

See when you first stepped out of your cocoon. You were shocked at the new you, you were a little shaky, a little limited in power but as you went and go through the processes of life and build your momentum in the things of God you became and become more and more confident in who you are and you begin to stretch your wings and eventually, the glory of who you have become will be illuminated by the Son of the living God (Jesus) and can be seen by all of nature and that my friend is the Power of the Butterfly Effect!!!!

The Power of Prayer

For the bible says that will prayer let your request be made unto the Lord and that the effectual prayers of the righteous achieve much.

There is indeed pure power on the pit of your prayer. Prayer was given to us by our Father so that we could have a direct line of communication to commune with him. Prayer goes across denominations, racial lines and geographical regions to meet the need of the person giving intercession. Prayer can go where your phone can't reach, where your car can't drive. Prayer can do what your money can't and your influence won't. Prayer is the supernatural weapon functioning out of the will and submission of our supernatural spirits, through our natural vessels, to bring about a supernatural change from the spirit realm which effects and initiates change in the natural.

Prayer isn't just a ritualistic thing that religious people do. Prayer is your life line, your survival kit, it's your first-aid. Many of us only use it when we find ourselves in life threatening and freedom taking situations. We only use prayer as a way to petition God for something when we are in need ,but prayer is so much more than a means of petioning or requesting a blessing. Prayer to God is equivalent to a facebook status, a tweet, a text message, a phone call or an email, it is a way for you and I to talk to our Father and tell Him all about what's been going on and to also find out what's going on in His realm as well.

Prayer, when it's done right, and effectively, has the power to transform, recreate, reform and renew any person, place or thing. Prayer is the power behind your protection, your purpose, your prosperity and your power. It was prayer that gave Jesus the extra strength to make it to the cross, it was prayer that allowed God to go into the fiery furnace with the three Hebrew boys, it was prayer that set Paul and Silas free. It was prayer from the mouth of the Prophet Elijah that shut and opened the heavens from raining. It was prayer that covered the houses of the children of Israel when the angel of death came by on it's mission.

Prayer is so powerful and potent that the disciples asked Jesus how do we prayer and His response was simple but yet it has been taken out of context. When Jesus replied with the Lord's Prayer His plan wasn't for us to memorize the words verbatim but to understand the strategy behind each word. The disciples asked HOW TO PRAY, NOT WHAT TO PRAY.......

The revelation behind that is to first give thanks and honor to God your Father, praise and worship Him for who He is to you, then ask for grace and mercy and forgiveness of what you have done against His will, then make your request be made according to the will of God which means you pray with the power of His will and Word behind you because the enemy doesn't run or retreat based upon your words but he recognizes the words of the Living God.  For the bible says that when the enemy comes in like a flood the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him. The Spirit of the Lord is His Word. Lastly seal it, stamp it and mail it in the name of Jesus for Jesus said whatsoever you ask in My name my Father in heaven is just to honor it.

The bible teaches us that the power of life and death are in the tongue and that's because the power of prayer lies in your tongue. All the power you need to defeat the enemy is already in you. Your anointing is activated by the words you speak, God told Ezekiel to speak to the dry bones and once he spoke they were revived.

So my brothers and sisters your answers to your prayers are ironically in your prayers!!!!!

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The Power to be Pre-Destined!!!!

Jeremiah 1:5 states: Before I formed thee in thy mother's womb I predestined or foreknew you and before you were born I separated you, consecrated and appointed you to be a prophet to the nations. 

These words of the Lord was spoken to the young but anointed prophet Jeremiah. God spoke these words to the prophet to encourage him in his time of disbelief of his calling. Jeremiah was young, unlearned and he felt that he wasn't ready or worthy to be a prophet to the nations and God spoke these words to empower the prophet to walk in his calling.

For this same purpose, I have been commissioned to help you gain the confidence and authority to walk in your calling in spite of your perceived shortcomings. Let me start by being transparent. I just recently released my new book, "Tears of Deliverance". Prior to the release God showed me how successful the book will be and how He will utilize that success to bring change to this hurting nation. So a few days ago my publisher informed me that I had only sold 6 copies. Immediately my heart dropped, my spirit fell and my mind began to think that maybe because of my struggle with doing the right things I have missed what God had promised or I was unworthy of the success that was promised. I began to think that because of who I was it was making the promised of God invalid. 

I walked in this way of thinking for weeks, feeling defeated and depressed. Then finally I heard God speak in my spirit and He told me that I was predestined for greatness. He said that when He called me into salvation and deliverance He foreknew me and that He has called me and equipped me to be who He has called me to be. 

See my friend regardless of your flaws your future has already been created. To be predestined means that before you were created your destiny, your purpose and your place in life was created first so that nothing you do after your birth could destroy what you were destined to become. That's why the bible says that ALL things work together for the good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. See God is not a man that He should lie and neither is He son of man that He shall repent and whatever He said shall come to pass because He is creativity, He is existence, His essence is reality.

So when God called you to be successful, to be a prophet, a minister, a teacher, an author, an artist, a entertainer, a business owner He created the position, the finances, the institutions and etc before He created you. He created these things first because He knew He would create you in such a unique way that you are the only person to occupy that position. Let me back this us with scripture. The bible says in the book of Genesis that AFTER God created the earth, and the oceans and all the animals and living things, He then created man and then gave man dominion over ALL the earth and the living things. See God created man's destiny which is dominion over the earth and all living things before He created man. He created Man in such a unique way that only man has the power and purpose to operate in destiny of dominion. 

Another example of this is at the fall of man God went into the future and created the purpose and position of Jesus Christ. He created all the people, places and things that were needed to birth out Jesus into His destiny. He created Mary and Joseph, Elizabeth (John the Baptist's mother) and the inn keeper 3 wise men and King Herod. Because all these people were a key part of Jesus's destiny they all were created before Jesus was conceived in Mary's womb. Jesus was uniquely formed in human flesh to fit in His destiny in such a unique way that He alone was only able to access this position of purpose. 

With this revelation we can boldly walk in the power of being pre-destined. The fact that you struggle with sexual sin, homosexuality, drugs, alcohols doesn't mean your future is destroyed, it doesn't mean you are invalidating your destiny. It's the exact opposite. You are becoming purposed and chosen to occupy your position of purpose. Your struggles are systematically teaching you Godly characteristics to occupy your Godly destiny.  You can't legally operate in an area unless you have mastered or conquered that area. While Jesus was on earth the bible says that He was tempted in all areas of sin so that through Him we have power over sin and it's temptations. Because he conquered death, hell and the grave He now has power over death, hell and the grave. Your bible says that He went down to hell and ministered to the lost souls and took back the keys to death, hell and the grave giving him authority over each entity. 

So your situations as you conquer them you gain access of authority to those situations. See you couldn't minister to a sexually broken person if you have not been sexually broken. You couldn't minister to a drug addict, if you have never been addicted. You couldn't encourage and provide hope for a person struggling with poverty if you have never been broke. 

All our struggles are strategically setting us up to operate effectively in our predestined positions. So now I am not concerned about book sales and yes I have my struggles and yes sometimes I defeat temptation and sometimes it defeats me but I never give up, I keep getting back up and I keep allowing my mistakes to mold me into the person that God has predestined me to be.

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The Faithfulness of God

" God is not a man that He shall lie, neither is He son of man that he shall repent"

I heard this scripture repeated so much in my life but it never really made since to me until I began to see and understand the faithfulness of God. See often times in life we have been conditioned to think that no one can be trusted and no can be counted on and expected to keep their word. So it makes it hard for us to completely trust and believe God for what he spoke over our lives because we hold God to the same law we hold man based upon our past events.

We are so used to people lying and using us that when God speaks it's difficult for us to operate out of faith and believe what He said because our conditioned flesh tells us we need to protect ourselves and just do what we have to do to make sure we are ok.

I have learned that the hardest requirement on the christian journey is trusting God and believing in His faithfulness. For so long I struggled with many addiction such as homosexuality, masturbation and etc. And I remember after I allowed God to save my soul he spoke to me through a vision. I had a dream that I was sitting on Oprah's stage being interviewed by her about the best selling book I had written, and in the dream the book she held in her had was called "Tears of Deliverance", in the audience I saw my wife and I heard her speak about our ministry and our children. At this moment in my life I was still sexually involved with guys and my self esteem was so low that I couldn't imagine that this vision was factual or it would come to pass. I mean I was no where near of becoming the man I saw in the vision. 

Then God showed me the scripture from the prophet Habakkuk that read, "write the vision and make it plain, so that he that read it may run with it, tho it tarries, in due season it shall come to pass". It was so hard for me to trust God and believe Him when He said He would deliver me and set me free. It was hard receiving a dream that showed me out of the bondage of homosexuality. It was hard believing that one day I would be free from the chains of abuse and child hood molestation. 

For the first time in my life I was challenged with believing God for what He said versus believing what I saw...as time went on God began to show himself faithful in my life by answering small prayers and then answering prayers that required a little more faith than others. I then began to believe God for his faithfulness. I began to expect God to move on my behave, I started operating out of a level of faith that literally changed my atmosphere. In the midst of this I was still struggling with homosexuality and that dream that God had given me still was stuck on replay in my mind and my spirit. 

Right when I was just about to give up on being delivered from homosexuality, I remember having a sexual encounter with my cousin and the conviction and shame that I felt afterwards sent me into this state of weaping and sobbing. I remembered getting out some paper and I wrote, " Oh that my head maybe a spring of water and my eyes a fountain of tears, I will weep, mourn, cry and lament for our sins we must repent" This scripture from the book of Jeremiah continually rose up in my spirit and as I began to write my feelings and emotions down on paper, when I was done I had written the first part of the first chapter in my book. 

At that moment I remembered the vision, I remembered the promise and then I gained a revelation on why God gave me the vision when I was sooooo far away from the manifestation and it was so I could have the strength to keep fighting in the midst of the storms, in the midst of the mistakes. He gave me the knowledge I needed to keep from perishing in the battle. That was back in 2003 and now it is pre 2012 and my book entitled, "Tears of Deliverance" have been released. I have been delivered and set free from the bondage of sexual sin, homosexuality, masturbation and etc. I have been healed from the hurts of childhood molestation and it has all been because of the faithfulness of God.

God has done just what He said He would do. He told me I would tell my story to the nations to bring about a change in people lives who have struggled and is struggling just as I was. God promised to heal, deliver and set me free and because of His faithfulness it is done.

It has nothing to do with who we are or what we do but it has everything to do with who God is. So I don;t care what it is you have been believing God for you better be expecting it to happen. Because God is not a respect a person, if He made it happen for me, it will definetly make it happen for you. Just trust God, don't give up on God because He hasn't gave up on you and know that our God is more than able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all we can ask or think. Now write your vision and make it plain, so he that read it may run with it and though it tarries, wait for it, for in due season it shall come to pass and that is what thus sayeth the Lord!!!!!!

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Tears of Deliverance: From Homosexuality to Holiness

As I sit here scared, nervous and partially ashamed all I can think about is how God is going to use this book to unlock your deliverance and release the blueprint to your destiny just as He has done for me. I know you may be wondering whether or not this is just another inspirational authored just for monetary purposes only. 

But I am here to tell you that my goals are not sales but salvation. My goals are not royalties but resurrection, restoration and relationship. This book is God’s instrument of Glory. This book was birthed out because God heard your prayers just like He heard the prayers of the children of Israel and He sent them Moses. He saw your tears. He has heard your cries. Now He has sent you a rhema word tailor made for you and your situation. This book was not created for a price but for a purpose and one of those purposes is to give you access to the deepest most darkest parts of my life so you can know that you are not alone. I feel your pain, I feel your insecurities, I feel your abuse, I feel your struggles and afflictions, and I to have carried your burdens. 

So I charge you to take this journey with me and to allow the words of this book to redefine the definition of your tears. Let this book transform your tears of hurt and your tears of pain into your Tears of Deliverance. This book is not designed to condemn but rather to convince you that God loves you and that He has made available the power you need to be delivered.  You just have to tap into and then walk in it. I know it’s been a lonely road, and the church has isolated you and society has labeled and scorned you. But God never gave up on you, for the bible teaches us that nothing can separate us from the love of God. 

You are NOT an abomination, you are NOT a lost cause, you are NOT the reason why God destroyed Sodom and Gomorra but YOU are the reason why God sent his only begotten Son to die upon the cross and to be rose on the third day. He created salvation for YOU; he orchestrated grace and mercy for YOU. So come boldly to his throne and lay at his feet.  Come with me on this walk.  Open up your mind, heart and soul and allow the blood of the lamb and the power of this testimony transform you into more than a conqueror.

This book depicts the power and love of God working in a miraculous way to bring about a change and to heal the brokenness I felt as a result of being sexually and physically abused as a child...

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Stop Hiding from God

Genesis 3:7-10 depicts the aftermath of the fall of man. In this passage Adam and Eve have already eaten of the fruit from the tree of life that God has forbidden them to eat and their nakedness was revealed unto them and after hearing the voice of the Lord calling for them they covered themselves with self made materials to hide their nakedness from God.

This passage of scripture is full of rich revelation and prophetic insight about the relationship between us and God after our fall from glory. See so many times in life we are taught and conditioned to hide our flaws from people and to take refuge in our strengths and be shamed of our weaknesses. 

Due to this form of thinking it makes it difficult to accept the glory and grace of God when we enter into a relationship with Jesus by way of His sacrifice. It has been my personal experience that the biggest mistakes made in ministry and in personal walks with God is that we always hide ourselves from God,  we try and hide the sins that so easily besets us, we try and hide our lusts and our addictions. We are taught to look, act and dress holy but in our hearts and minds we are full of dead men's bones.

We have a form of Godliness but are denying the power thereof. And this makes us ineffective in bringing deliverance, healing, restoration and even salvation to God's people. The biggest mistake that Adam and Eve did was hide themselves from God. They covered themselves with man made clothes to hide their nakedness from God who has and still has the power to heal, fix and change any are of your life that is flawed. 

In this passage nakedness symbolizes their weakness, their vulnerabilities, their issues, their sins, their stuff. Just as it was back then so it is today. We as modern day believers hide our nakedness from God. We hide them behind titles, behind degrees, behind hats, behind tailored made suits and gator boots. We hide them behind mega churches and fancy pulpits. We are operating out of the influence of personality charisma instead of the influence of the Holy Spirit. 

We have become walking corpses in the spiritual realm. Because we are spiritually dying due to our lack of transparency. It's not until you confess your sins that salvation is obtained and through salvation you gain access to the power and workings of the Holy Spirit. After this you have to submit to the will of God. You have to lay it all out and allow God to pour into your Spirit. The problem is instead of laying our issues and sins at the feet of Jesus, we cover them up and pretend to be okay. We replace our issues with religion and think we have mastered the art of fooling God. We have erred in our thinking. For the bible declares that God knows the hearts of men and he has numbered every hair on your head.

So if he knows how many hair strands you have then he knows you have issues with homosexuality, he knows you have a sex addiction, he knows you are a lier, he knows you struggle with anger and drug addiction that's why He has been calling out to you, that's why He has been knocking at your door to give you the chance to ask for His help, to ask for His hand. For the bible declares that if a man seek he shall find, ask and he shall have and knock and the door shall be open unto him. God has never been a God of hostile take over. He will not force you to come to Him, He will not make you ask for His help. He gives you free will to choose you this day whom you will serve.

That's why transparency is so important because transparency is the tool to your transformation. It is not until you become transparent about your issues that you can start to receive help. Let me put this in natural terms. Unless a sick persons goes to the doctor and tell him their symptoms, the doctor will never have access to provide them with the resources needed to heal them. See the doctor has already been qualified and skilled to have the resources to heal your sickness but he can not give those resources to you until you ask for them. 

Like natural like spiritual. Jesus because of the cross has already gained authority and power and position to give you the resources needed to become healed but He can not give you those resources unless you come to him and ask for them. If you don't ask God to heal you, you won't ever be healed. If you don't ask God to save you, you won't ever be saved. If you don't ask God to deliver you you won't ever be delivered. 

See asking is very important because in asking you have to confess and admit that you have an issue that needs to be taken care of. Your asking shows and tells God that you need and trust Him enough to deal with your issues. It wasn't until I started telling God that my same sex attraction was taking control of my life again that I began to gain power, It wasn't until I realized that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the power of our testimony that I started to become transparent before God and man.

My transparency allows you to see the power of God work in my life and allows God to work in my life to show you that He has the power to heal, save and set the captives free. 

The bible tells us we are to be a light unto the world and our transparency is that light, through our transparency people are able to see Jesus, the bible says that He is strong in our weakness. So the more we are transparent the more the strength of Jesus is revealed and the more Glory our Father receives!!!!

Battlefield of the Mind!!!!

The bible teaches us that so as a man thinketh so is he. Meaning you are what you think. You do as you think. You speak as you think. Your behavior mimics your thought process. Thinking transforms you into the person you show to the world.

It's easy to buy new clothes, paint your face, get some cosmetic surgery, smile when you're really angry and laugh when you really want to cry but the real battle is taking place in your mind. It's hard to get those unwanted images out of your head, it's hard to ignore the small voice telling you to indulge in your flesh. It's hard changing your mindset, it's hard changing your thinking because that is the one thing that has been unaltered since your birth.

We condition our bodies, we create and recreate our social behaviors to influence or status but our mindsets stay the same. We still think the same way. We have become perfect chameleons where we imitate others around us. We show people the face they want to see. That's  why we have a hard time surrendering and becoming one with God because we try to show him the person we think He wants to see when in reality he wants us to show him the messed up face so He can truly set us free but instead because of our thinking we run and hid and cover ourselves with leaves just as Adam and Eve did in the garden.

See the enemy didn't trick Eve because she was weak and Eve didn't convince Adam because he was weak they ate of the fruit from the tree because the enemy planted the seed in Eve's mind and got her to thinking about eating the fruit to gain the knowledge and she did the same to Adam. That's why the bible teaches us to not give place to the enemy and to cast down every thought and imagination the exalts itself up against the will of God.

See the enemies knows that all he has to do his control your thinking because if he can control your thinking he controls your behavior and if he controls your behavior he can control your life.  Let me be transparent to better help you grasp this concept.

I struggled with a lot of residual emotional and mental trauma from the abuse I was a victim of. Just recently I thought all was well until God opened my eyes to show me that the devil still had control over my mind. I just recently had a meeting with my publisher giving me the good news about my book release "Tears of Deliverance" which is October 1, 2011. She was telling me that it was time for me to start my own ministry. God has already been speaking to me about excepting the calling to Minister so I was open and excited about the confirmation. Then when I got home and began to THINK, I began to tell myself that I wasn't good enough to except the call, that I didn't deserve to be called or deserved to be successful and that I was going to mess everything up.

Instead of me rebuking the enemy and shutting down those destructive thoughts I entertained them and began to speak those things that I was thinking. Then my behavior changed. I began to revert back to the old person that God has saved and delivered me from. I started to do things to sabotage where God was taking me. I went back to fornication with men, I went back to being angry and deceitful. And God showed me that every time something good happens to me be it relationships or situations I always sabotage them and bring them to an end. I then began to recall events from my past and I remembered great friendships and situations that I have been in that I ultimately destroyed them because of my thinking. I thought I wasn't worthy, I thought I was a screw up and ultimately I became what I was thinking.

See that's why some of you can't stay in a good relationship or on a good job, that's why you don't have any best friends and that's why we keep being wishy washy with God because we THINK we don't deserve anything good. We THINK we are going to screw things up. You may have been a whore like me, a homosexual like I was, a masturbator like I was, a lier like I was, you may be or have been all these things and more but those sins are not who you are, they maybe what you are doing but what you are doing can change if you change how you are thinking.

You change your thinking, you change your behavior, change your behavior, you change your situations, change your situations, you change your life. But the key is to change. The bible tells us to renew our minds daily and that we should have the mind of Christ. The word renew simply means to change over to another. When you renew your subscription to a magazine you are simply changing over, the old way is expired and you are changing over to the new.

Remember the bible says that we are new creatures in Christ Jesus, old things are passed away and behold are things are new, meaning the old mindset and ways of thinking we had has expired and its time to change over to the new way of thinking.

Operating out of an expired way of thinking will contaminate your behavior and make your life sick, let me make this plain: Think about what happens if you drink old expired milk? It makes you sick....so it is in the natural so it is in the spiritual. The reason why your life is in shambles and your relationships are failing is because your mind is spoiled, your way of thinking has been contaminated and it is making your life sick. I am here as a living witness that Jesus is your antibiotic, the word of God is your elixir to soother and heal all area of your thinking to renew your mental processes and give you the mind of Christ. There has been a battle going on in our minds and we have been getting a beat down from the enemy. He has infiltrated our thoughts and took over our thinking.

Every time I ever fail prisoner to sin and temptations it was always because I entertained a thought and did not bring it under submission to the word of God. I fell back into sexual sin because sex was on my mind and instead of praying for strength I re-winded the images in my head of an old encounter, the reason why I cursed that person out is because I entertained the thought to curse that person out for making me angry instead of praying God to bridle my tongue. I entertained anger and lust instead of thinking about the scripture that says vengeance is the Lords' and love thy neighbor as thy self and flee from all acts of sexual impurity. Let me make it more clear. See the reason why you can't see how beautiful you are in-spite of all the compliments you get is because you have allowed yourself to think that you are ugly. You have allowed situations to make you think that you are ugly. If have allowed the way people treated you and wrongly loved you change how you think about yourself. The reason why you keep staying with him/her after he/she beats you and emotional and mentally abuses you is because you have allowed yourself to think and believe that's what love is and that somehow someway you deserve it. You buy the hottest outfits and rock the sickest shoes but you still see nothingness in the mirror because you have allowed your expired mindset to contaminate your thinking thus making your life sick. You can change your hair, you can change your make-up, you can change your body and your clothes but until you change your mind you will always look and feel the same.

Always remember that outter change can never truly be achieved until inner change has been accomplished and inner change can never be accomplished until mental change has started. 

Power of Relationships

The bible teaches us that iron sharpens iron and so does a man sharpen the countenance of his friend.....

This simple but yet complex biblical term offers important insight to our lives and how they are affected by our relationships and ties with people. So many times we progress in life and move forward while trying to bring those people who knew us back when with us..

We error in this attempt because we fail to realize that everybody can't walk beside you into your destiny. Jesus had more than 12 disciples but only the 12 was chosen to walk personally with him and out of those 12 only a few had life altering revelations from and with him...Sometimes that relationship that you are fighting so hard to keep is the very thing that is blocking your success...

There comes a time in life where you have to cleanse your circle and get rid of dead weight so you won't drown in the waters of life. Dead weight automatically pulls you down and ultimately traps in you a stalled position causing your destiny, dreams and goals to be hindered.

You are having so much hell in your life, in your relationships and on that job because you are fighting to keep that thing that God is trying to get rid of, you pray for God to release whats blocking your blessings and you pray for increase and prosperity but you wanna keep your same position...think about it....Before God blessed Abraham he moved him out of his home land and told him to break all ties with his family and friends because God knew they were a pagan nation and wouldn't understand what He was about to do in Abraham's life and its human nature to fight that which we don't understand.

For the most part when it comes to elevation and progression you become who and what you surround yourself with because iron sharpens iron, if you wanted to sharpen your blade would you use a dull butter knife? No because the dull butter knife will make your blade duller than it was, it will ruin what you are trying to accomplish...So I ask you, who are the butter knives in your life that are ruining what you are trying to accomplish?

You have to make a decision on whats more important, your destiny or your so call relationships with people.  When God was calling me out of the lifestyle of homosexuality, I didn't let my friends who I partied with go, I was going to church and still hanging with them and every time I found myself falling back into sexual sin it was after or during the times I was hanging with them. They were my reminder, those relationships were blocking my deliverance, they were keeping me chained, they weighed me down and help me stagnant in one position, those relationships were toxic to where God was trying to take me. How can God pour new wine in old wine skin?

The bible teaches us that a little leaven leavens the whole lump. Who around you is molding your bread? Who around you is getting in the way of the relationship you desire to have with Jesus? Those relationships you had before you were saved cultivated all evil desires of your flesh, that promoted and celebrated the sin you hate now so if you don't break those ties then they will continue to operate out of the nature in which they were created. If I wanted to be free of the gay lifestyle I had to remove myself from that environment and become a part of an environment that would teach, cultivate and reinforce who I was trying to become. If you wanna be a lawyer you wouldn't go to medical school would you?

I know sex feels great, and it feels great to be loved and to be involved and to not be lonely. Every one loves to be in the in crowd and everyone loves to be tweeted and facebooked the most but I ask you to what end? At what cost are you willing to pay for maintaining relationships that have caused you more pain than prosperity? Is it worth your salvation? Your dreams? Your goals?

If that relationship constantly takes from your life and constantly causes you to stumble then its toxic and you gotta let it go, if he keeps making you turn your back on God and making you have sex with him then you gotta let it go, if he/she plays on your weakness and takes advantage of your sufferings for their personal gain then you gotta let it go, if your relationships don't challenge you to become better, if they don't inspire you to change or empower you to move forward in your destiny then the time is now to come out from among them and be ye separated.

Faith is what Life Isn't....

The bible teaches us that now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen, but our society teaches us that if you don't see it, feel it or have it then it doesn't exist. And there is the conflict that we as believers face. Our spirit desires to have faith because without faith it's impossible to please God but my logical mind is telling me to snap into reality and live off of what I see instead of what He promised...

For the past few weeks I have been going through a financial crisis, I had to pay tuition, rent and utilities and didn't have the money to pay all of what I needed so my phone was disconnected, my gas was turned off and I had no food in the fridge. Initially I was full of faith knowing and believing that no matter what it looks like I was going to stand firm on the word of God. For He said He shall supply all of my needs according to His riches and Glory...

How many of you know that there comes a time when even the strongest of us get weak, as the days passed, and I got tired of the cold showers, no phone access and no food to eat I began to get depressed, I began to feel abandoned, I began to feel like God had let me down.

I know I am not perfect and I know that I am not deserving of His blessings but I thought God an I were in a good place so I began to sulk in my state of despair, I began to access old habits to help me feel good for the moment, but that didn't work, I was still feeling depressed and abandoned...

You know how sometimes life throws you some balls that you just can't dodge, your love one dies, your rent is past due, your husband cheat, your wife cheats, they walked out on you, your children are raising hell, u were laid off, the money didn't come through and you look towards heaven and hear no response to your situation

What do you do when God seemed to have turned a deaf ear to your petitions, What do you do when what you see and what you experience becomes way stronger than what He said and what you know He said?

What do you do when you are to beat up and beat out to get out the bed and face life once again, what do you do when you have exhausted all resources...

Well my friend all we can do is STAND!!! Stand on the word of God and stand by Faith. Faith activates the move of God. Faith controls your Favor. Faith gives you access to your blessings. Faith is what life isn't. Life is hard but Faith is easy, all you have to do is believe. Our problem comes because believing in God's ability to save us requires that we trust Him and because we have been let down by people so many times it is hard for us to Trust God and that wall that we have build to protect us from being hurt again is not only keeping people out but its keeping God out as well. We can't fully activate the kind of faith the move mountains until we activate the kind of trust that gives us confidence that God will move the mountains on our behalf...

You have to understand that the just shall live by faith and not by sight, I had to realize that even though my gas was off I still had water to cleanse myself, even though my phone was off I still had internet access to communicate to people, even though I had no money my tuition was paid and I was able to start my senior year at GSU, even though I had no food at home I was able to eat for free anytime at work, once we stop allowing our sight to control our belief and start allowing our belief to control our sight we will see how God was right there moving on our behave supplying all of our needs we just have to realize and stand firm on the fact that FAITH IS WHAT LIFE ISN'T!!!!!

Truth is.....Love??

After I messed up AGAIN, I asked God why do you forgive me every time I keep messing up and His reply was, "Because I LOVE you!!" As I sat in my bathroom I pondered His response. His reply made me think, it convicted me in such a way that I had to ask myself a tough question and that was, Do I really love God?? Then after that another question manifested in my spirit and that was, Do I know how to Love? 

As I sat back contemplating the answers to these questions, I began to recall scriptures such as if you love me you will keep my commandments and love is patient, love is kind and with love and kindness have I drawn you....

These scriptures repeatedly ran through my mind in an attempt to help me find the answer to my questions and my friend the answer came but it wasn't ideal. The truth is I love God to the best of my ability to love. All this time I have been stuck second guessing my salvation and my deliverance because I found myself repeatedly outside of God's will, I found myself repeatedly not keep his commandments but the truth of the matter is my focus was on the wrong issue. It's not the sin, and it's not just my mind and decision making, it's my ability to love. 

I have allowed the abuse, hurt, pain and afflictions from tainted relationships, friendships and situations harden my heart and obscure my ability to love completely. I have a form of love but I deny the power there of. I haven't been able to totally surrender to Jesus because I'm still in defense mode from the last time I totally surrendered myself to someone. But I have to realize and understand that it was never in God's will for me or you to totally surrender ourselves to no human being, to nothing in flesh. But the plan of our Father was for us to surrender to Him, for the bible declares that every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is Lord.

I don't know whether or not you found yourself in the same situation I found myself in but I know that it is time for us to allow ourselves to be loved by Jesus and allow ourselves to love Him. I know the last time we loved it nearly destroyed us but the bible teaches us to turn the other cheek and remember that was flesh we loved and flesh is always filled with disappointment, destruction and damnation but Jesus is a spirit of eternal glory, love and power. He is love and love exist in, on and through him and the bible declares that while we were yet sinners Jesus died for us, meaning that his love is (NSA) no strings attached, its not contingent on something we do, its limitless, its unconditional and to live without it and to not attempt to reciprocate it to the best of our ability is pure stupidity. 

In order for us to move forward and truly break free from the bondage, sin and chains that keep us in a place of self pity and in a continuous state of back sliding and sin, we have to fully accept and surrender to the love of God. We have to tear down the walls that surround our hearts. God is not out to heart you, or use you. He doesn't want you to pay his bills or cosign for a car or have sex with him. All He wants is you. All He wants is me. He just wants us. Yea us, with out broke down, loud mouth, hard headed, sex having, no tithe paying, back stabbing self.

Yea he wants you in-spite of your sex addiction, in-spite of your abusive behavior, in-spite of your drug and alcohol addiction. He wants you in spite of the adultery, in-spite of the homosexuality, in-spite of the prostitution and children out of wedlock, he wants you just as you are so he can love on you unconditionally and help transform you into the person that you are destined to be. Let's face it who you are right now is not who you want to be, you may laugh it off and joke it away but deep down you know something is missing, deep down you know change is needed, deep down you want to be loved and deep down you want to love back so come with me on this journey, lets take an eternal ride on God's love boat, let's let go and let God!!!

The Essence of True Repentence

Ever found yourself stuck in a never ending cycle of abuse, sin, or just bad decision making? I mean in your hearts of hearts your true desire is to do the right thing. It your heart you wanna say no to sex with her, him or them. In your heart of hearts you wanna say no to the alcohol bottle, the strip club, the crack pipe or to stealing or cheating but you find yourself doing the very thing you desire not to do. I know what this feels like because I have been going through the same old thing my friend. You start to question your deliverance, your salvation and some time your self worth. You start allowing your mistakes to be a mirror image of who you think you are. The bible teaches us in the book of Romans about the apostle pauls' own struggles with his will to do whats right but with actions of wrong doing. He clearly stated that the good that he desires to do he finds himself not doing and the evil thing he desires himself not to do that's what he finds himself doing, then he goes on and say who can save a wretched man like me? And his answer was Jesus!!

I know my friend you feel like you are unsaveable, unstoppable and unreachable. I know what you are going through. I have been saved and writing a book about deliverance but still stuck in the same ole vicious cycle of sexual sin. I felt the disgust, I felt and heard the Holy Spirit within me pleading and crying for me to say no to my flesh and yes to his will but like you I found myself doing that very thing I desired not to do. And with that decision, I was back in a place of depression, back in a place of emotional and spiritual turmoil. I cried out to God to forgive me but I was missing a key component and that was true repentance. And in order for me to understand, keep and write about deliverance I had to understand and come to know true repentance. The revelation and understanding came to me right after I had a sexual encounter which led me to write this blog you are reading. I don't care what you or people may be saying right about now but I am trying to win this race with all that's in me and this may negatively effect book sales but book sales are nothing compared to my breakthrough, my salvation. Book sales are nothing compared to me helping you breakthrough and break out of your mess through the blood of the Lamb and the power of my testimony.

Understand that true repentance means I have turned from my old thinking and behavior patterns that led me to the road of destruction. It doesn't just mean you feel bad about sinning that's the definition of emotionalism. Your tears doesn't equal repentance, your hurt feelings don't equal repentance. Those are just emotional manifestations. And so often we confuse the two. Emotional manifestations manifest based upon how you feel and you always end up feeling the same ole way because even though you feel bad about what you did, you haven't done anything to not do it again. True repentance is that not only do you feel bad but you change your thinking, which changes your behavior, which alters your emotions and allows you to not return back to that state in which you found yourself previously in. The feeling bad or remorseful is a sign of conviction or a moral conscious. That feeling is designed to guide you to repent. It is not repentance in itself. The feelings or emotions that go along with that conviction are just emotional manifestations of your inward convictions or your inward conscious, they are designed to help you understand what your conviction is and sometimes those emotions are confused with condemnation.

But until I understood this I was still stuck doing the same ole thing expecting different results. I was behaving insanely!!! I found myself crying and feeling remorseful for what I had done, but days later back doing the same ole thing and experiencing the same ole emotions. I desired to be free from sexual sin but in my boredom I continued to browse sex sites and sex ads, I wanted to stop drinking, but I continued to go to the liquor store. You may desire to stop cheating on your spouse but you still text that sideline person. My point is that until you and I obtain true repentance there will never be a true change. Understand that if you are reading this and you are a recipient of salvation, your soul is saved, your spirit is born again but your mind is still a mess, your flesh can never be saved, your flesh can never be born again that's why the bible teaches us to walk after the dictates of the spirit and not after the dictates of the flesh. And that's what Jesus meant when he told Nicademus that unless a man be born again of the spirit he can not enter the kingdom of Heaven.

We have to learn to renew our minds by bringing into subjection every thought that rises itself up against that good thing in which we are trying to achieve. It is not God's responsibility to correct your thinking because He has equipped us with the resources to change our thinking but it is up to us to utilize those resources. Instead of me going to sex sites or want ads I need to go to the bible, go some online ministries. Instead of you calling up your sideline when you get lonely, you will call your wife and your husband. You may need to seek counseling, call a friend or just pray. Whatever it is that you need to do to change your thinking you must do in order to obtain the ability to do those things that you desire to do.

Let the word of God be your appetite suppressant, let the word of God be your secret lover, let the word of God become your alcohol bottle, your cigarette, your porno...Let the word of God transform your thinking. That's what I'm doing. Because I don't know about you but I am tired of feeling disgusted after I fall back into sin, I am tired of being absent from God, I am tired of leaving His presence and rejecting His will. Aren't you tired of being used by the devil? Aren't you tired of being used by your own thoughts and acts of unrighteousness? Haven't we gone through enough not to say enough is enough?

I challenge you now, I decree it to be so that from this day forward you and I shall walk in true repentance to live out a lifestyle of true happiness, surrenderence and obedience to the will, ways and word of God!!!

"If you change your thinking, you change your decisions and if you change your decisions you change your outcome"-me

Lazarus get up and walk!!!!!

I don't know who this blog is for on today, but I felt led by the Holy Spirit to speak you up out of your mess so you can be in a place to obtain the title of blessed!! I don't care what the situations looks like, or what the people may have said, it is time for you to get up out of that mess and walk in your destiny. The trials and tribulations may have set out to kill you and some of you are wounded, some of you have been beaten, stabbed, shot and shanked but yet you are still standing. Even though your life stinks of dead men's bones there is still destiny inside of you. It is not time for your funeral, it is not time for you to die, I hear God speaking to me to tell you, LAZARUS COME FORTH OUT OF YOUR GRAVE AND WALK!!!

Walk in your destiny, walk in your calling. I don't care who you have, is or been having sex with, I don't care what you smoke, drink, dip, snuff or inject, your time is now. God loves you just as you are for your bible teaches that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. And that for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoseover believes in him shall not perish but shall have ever lasting life. The reason why that gunshot didn't kill you is because you are chosen, the reason why you didn't have a nervous break down is because you are chosen, the reason why you didn't succeed at your suicide attempts is because you are chosen. The drugs couldn't kill you because you are chosen, the lover couldn't stop you because you are chosen. The time is now to come out from among them and be ye separated.  You are the child of the living God, You are a holy nation, a royal priesthood so stop playing with the commoners. Stop destroying your seeds, stop sitting on your destiny, there is a ministry inside of you, a book inside of you, a cd inside of you, a business inside of you and God is saying that now is the time to seek His face, now is the time to get at His feet, now is the time to choose you this day whom you will serve.

 Nothing in your life has worked, friends and family has failed you, and you have even failed yourself. Now I urge you, I dare you, try God. Stop the pity party, Stop the self destruction and come back home. Open up your heart to the one who first loved you. He doesn't require that you pretend to be something that you are not, you don't have to cover up that tattoo, you don't have to hide your battle scars and war wounds, you don't have to hide your habits, addictions and weakness because once you enter into his arms his love, power and anointing will heal your hurts, break your addictions, remove your scars and tend to your war wounds. He is calling you my friend, He is calling you higher, He is calling you out of your grave, he is calling you out of the bed of sin and degradation. He is calling you out of the whore house and into his presence, he is calling you out of the trap and into his presence, he is calling you off the corner and into his courts.

By the anointing of the Holy Ghost I speak a breakthrough over your life, I plead the blood of Jesus over any hindering spirit, anything that is blocking you to receive this word I bind it now and I loose the restoring, transforming redemption power of Jesus Christ and I call you into your destiny. Your time is now my friend. Smile because you are destined for greatness and that greatness is found in your relationship with Christ.

MY OBITUARY

We live a life that creates our identities based upon our affiliations, experiences, relationships and choices. People expect us to behave or conform in certain ways based upon these identities. These expectations shape the perceptions people have about us making recognizing change impossible and even making us believe we can't achieve that change. I myself have struggled and have been struggling with people's acceptance of who I have become in Christ. It seems as if daily I am faced with inquiries from people looking for the Deon they once new. Looking for the Deon who posted on craigslist, looking for the Deon who used to sleep around and perform all types of sexual acts, looking for the Deon who was in the homosexual lifestyle, looking for the Deon who emailed and or texted them the naked photos and etc. Daily I found myself faced with the temptations and expectations to fulfill the duties that that Deon once indulged in and because of this I found myself back on the internet, back on craigslist and back indulging in sexual immorality.

As I began to get frustrated and stress out and even found myself being tempted to give up the fight and just completely go back and just accept the calls and appeals, I heard God speak deep down in my Spirit that it was time for me to write an obituary. At first I was perplexed and confused but in a weird way it made sense to me. See in God's ability to know and see all, He knew that this dilemma would take place not just in my life but in yours as well so that's why he spoke words such as unless a man be born again he can not inherit the kingdom of God. Or words such as you can't put new wine in old wine skin. These words spoken from the heart of our God explicitly implies that in order for us to walk in newness of life their has to be a death to take place. It is the natural order of things. Where death occurs life is always right there to replace that which is dead. Jesus couldn't go into glory until He died on the cross and with his death came the resurrection. Lazarus couldn't have been raised from the dead into a new life unless he had died.

So what am I saying: I am here to declare and proclaim to the world that any pics, emails, sex messages or craigslist post u may have seen, or received from me or about me you should delete them and  throw them away, because that Deon you are looking for that Deon you think you know or knew no longer exists, HE DIED. I don't care if it was last year, last month, last week. or in the last 5 minutes that Deon is DEAD and gone. I'm sorry you missed the funeral but the good news is he has be reborn into me, bad news for you is he is no longer what you used to, he is no longer your sex slave, he is no longer that sex craved homosexual who seeks out men via craigslist, chatlines and etc.: HE IS MINISTER DEON L SANDERS A TRUE PRODUCT OF THE SAVING AND REDEMPTIVE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST, OLD THINGS HAVE BEEN WASHED AWAY AND NOW BEHOLD ALL THINGS ARE NEW, HE IS THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK "TEARS OF DELIVERANCE" AND HE HAS BEEN SAVED, REDEEMED AND HOLY GHOST FILLED TO SERVE THE KINGDOM OF GOD FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS!!!

The Glory of God!!

As I sat in church on Sunday, the power and presence of God fall in the atmosphere like I have never felt in a long time. So as I began to commune with the Father, I asked him for more of His glory and I asked why we as a church haven't experienced the Glory that our bible teaches us about. And He began to take my mind back to all the times I found myself making a decision to fall back into sin. His response was that your flesh can not handle the Glory that I desire to cover you with. He told me if I would just keep myself clean long enough to experience the Glory then my life will never be the same. So I began to ponder on these words spoken in my spirit. The bible teaches us in the book of Genesis that when Moses encountered God for the first time that God was only able to show Moses his side because he couldn't withstand the pure presence of God because flesh can not handle the Glory of God. The Glory will destroy any unclean vessel that comes in contact with it. That's why in the book of exodus the priest died when they touched the ark of the covenant with unclean hands. The ark represented the presence of God. So God began to give me a word for you, His chosen generation. And that word is to cry out and spare not and declare that all His children cleanse themselves of all unrighteousness and uncleanliness. We are living in a time and season of destruction. Sickness and diseases are running rampant, people are dieing at younger ages, we are in a financial crisis and our youth are growing up way too fast so we are in desperate need of the Glory of God. We are lacking in power because we are lacking in holiness. We have been bewitched to think that grace and mercy will continue to carry and cover us while we continue to consciously and deliberately sin and go against the will of God. We have become like the children of Israel after the Glory of God left them wandering in the wilderness. Our prayers are ineffective because our hands are filthy with the residue of sin. We can't utilize our power to speak things into existence because our mouths are filled with desolation. We have lost the access to the Glory of God. And its time for us to get it back. It is time for us to get back at the feet of Jesus and cleanse ourselves. It is time for us to make a sound decision to live holy. It is time to close our bodies to all forms of sin and submit to the righteousness of God. God is so much more than a deliverer of smoking. God is so much more than a light bill payer, God can do so much more than send you a husband or a wife. We server a God who walked on water, raised the dead, healed the deaf, dumb, blind and cripple. We serve a God who shakes all of Heaven who controls legions of angels. We serve a God who parts seas and defy all of nature because He is all things and all things are him, but we can't and have not known him in His fullness because we can't keep ourselves clean long enough to go behind the veil to see his face. We can't stay out of sin long enough to see the Glory of God, we can't stay clean long enough to see the miraculous. Jesus redeemed us and gave us the keys to the Glory of God but we have to clean our feet at the doormat before we go in. The bible teaches us that Jesus is coming back for a church without spot or blemish and the only way to walk in holiness and righteousness is to walk in the Glory of God. Do you want the Glory? Do you wanna feel God like never before? Are you ready to do greater works and you ready for new dimensions and you ready for a higher level of anointing? If you are then join me on this death walk to holiness and make a decision with me to cleanse yourself of all unrighteousness so the Glory of the Lord can be with you, on you and in you!!!! Selah

Essence of TRUE Deliverance!!!

For many years we have been conditioned in our thinking that deliverance equals to perfection and that without perfection than deliverance hasn't been achieved. So because of this we have caused many of believers to fall by the waste side and live in condemnation. My friends we have erred in our thinking. I know that the transparency in this post may not be good for my public image but I do know that it is needed for my spiritual growth and my image in the eyes of God who is my one and only critic. As I lay in my bed this afternoon sobbing and soaking in my guilt from falling back into sexual sin I began to question my deliverance. I began to question my ability to win this battle and survive the upcoming war. But God, so faithful as HE has always been, allowed the Holy Spirit to speak to my innermost being,  pass my own thought process. He began to reveal to me the true meaning of deliverance and what I needed to do to continually walk in that deliverance. True deliverance is the ability to not be overtaken or submit to the sin that desires to control your life be it in act, thought or deed. Deliverance doesn't mean no temptation will come but it simply means that the sin that so easily besets you has no more power or control over you. God has blessed you with the ability to fight and fight victoriously. So my next question was: if that is the case then why have I found myself back into the sin that I once was victorious over. And the story of David came to my spirit that completely blessed me. When David fought Goliath he had the power to defeat Goliath before he entered into the battle, before he approached and stood his ground against his giant, God had already given and equipped him with the power and ability he needed to be victorious so when he got ready to fight Goliath he was victorious because he used his God given power with his God given resources and the combination of the two brought forth his deliverance from the hand of the uncircumcised giant. Let me make this plan. David had the strength and endurance to win a fight when he was still a shepherd's boy. That's how he slew the lion. He had the resources because he already had his stones when he was still as shepherds boy. So when he entered into the fight with his Giant he didn't come with perfection, he didn't come with deliverance he came with his resources that God had already equipped him with. So God began to show me that at the point of salvation He already equipped me with the resources and power needed to conquer my giant. All I have to do is make sure I bring my weapons with me. My falling short was a direct effect of me leaving my weapon which is the word of God at home when I should have brought it to the fight. See when Jesus healed, helped and set the captives free, he always said GO AND SIN NO MORE....Which implies that the power of deliverance resides in the person being delivered. And if this is so then deliverance isn't a single act or moment of conversion, its a lifestyle of decision making, its a lifestyle of utilizing all of your God given resources and becoming victorious when your giant is presented. God knew and knows you will be faced with your Goliath, that's why he put the urge in your spirit to get in His presence more, that's why you have been feeling more and more convicted about not reading your bible and not intensifying your prayer life. God knows and knew your giant was coming. God isn't a God who reacts to adversary, He is a God of pro-activity. The time is over in seeking deliverance because deliverance has already found you, now is the time to be proactive and tap into the power and authority that God has given you while you were still a Shepard's boy so we can all do just as David did and that's slay our Goliath. I speak no more defeats, I speak unlimited victories over your life. Right now as I type I see in the spirit a vision of your and my goliath laying on the ground dead with blood oozing from a head wound inflicted by the stone thrown from your and my hand. Let me make this plan...blood is the symbol of life, the head is the center of control and Goliath is your sin, your thorn, your situation and the stone is the word of God, your praise, your worship, your choices..so the oozing of blood out of the head symbolizes the life being drained out of your sin and its control over you has been broken.....I don't know about you but I feel a praise of victory in my spirit so I leave you with the words of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and that is Go and sin no More!!!!!

Paternity Test: Who is your Father??

So many of us are upset at our absentee fathers and or mothers and we blame our present dysfunctions on their lack of functionality in our lives but God shared something with me long ago about this: He told me that the reason why my mother and father wasn't there when I was growing up wasn't because they didn't love me it was because they didn't possess the skills and resources to deal with a child with my destiny, so God had to place me in the care of a person who can not only fight in the natural realm but also do battle in the spirit. See you have to understand that the bible teaches us that before we were formed in our mother's womb God foreknew us and called and consecrated us to be his prophet to the nations. Which means God created you even before your mother knew you existed. Your destiny was pre-planned and your parents who were not there didn't have the spiritual intellect to understand the power they were creating. Sure they tried when you were born, but they just couldn't seem to get it together so God placed your big momma, your grandmother, your babysitter, your foster mother, your foster father, cousin, sister, aunt or brother in your life because he knew they would be able to take care of the gift you was carrying. I used to always ask God why did my folks give me away to my babysitter, Mrs. Ellawee Boyd??? And God reminded me of the story she used to tell me about how she had to pray the demons and spirits out of my crib because from birth the devil was out to kill me. I remember her telling me that when I was only a few weeks old, I weighed 4lbs and 40z and I had no appetite and the doctor informed her that if I lost 1 more pound I would loose my life. So she took me into her prayer closet and gave me to God and she said a light from heaven came down and every since then I haven't stopped eating. See God knew that I needed a caretaker with enough spiritual power to cover me and protect me from the attack of the enemy. So my brothers and my sisters I beseech you brethren to let it go!!! It is time to forgive your father and or your mother for being absent because look at yourself in the mirror and think back on all the mothers and fathers you did have....Yes it was rough, and yes you have been hurt and maybe still hurting and yes you have cried and felt abandoned but you were never alone, you was never without, you ate and slept because your Father who sits in heaven provided for you, your Father in heaven gave you caretakers that was anointed and appointed just for and to you. You were chosen to be raised this way so that the Glory of God can be seen through your life. It is time for you to rise up out of the ashes and let the giftings in you be seen by the world. You were conceived out of the seed of Glory. God himself birthed you out so get up and let go of the past and walk into you future and obtain your birth right to live life and life it in abundance!!!!

KEEP IT MOVING

The bible teaches us a just man falls seven times but he gets back up. So many times in our life we create paths and plans to make sure we stay on the road of perfection to that place in which we have accepted to be positioned in and so many times we are detoured or knocked off course by our own failures and shortcomings. We gain deliverance from sexual immorality but fall back into sexual sin, we gain deliverance from lying and cursing and cheating and stealing but we find ourselves right back in the very place we have prayed our way out of. Then our road maps that we previously created began to become blurred and we get discouraged because we start to feel like all is lost. We start allowing our mistakes and shortcomings to define who we are. We start placing our focus on what we didn't do instead of focusing on what we need to do and that's get back up and keep it moving. The God who created you, is the same God who saved you and He is the same God who sees, hears and knows everything so when he created grace and mercy, he created them for people like you and me. He created grace and mercy because he knew along the way we will need pillars of power and carriages of courage to lead and carry us to our destiny. Yes you failed but yet you still breath which means grace and mercy is still on your side, so get back up. As you read this you may find yourself just as I was back into the bed of sexual sin, but don't lay there and waddle in your guilt, get up...repent, wash your body, wash your sheets and kick out the devil you allowed in and keep it moving. For the bible declares now there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus who walk after the Spirit and not after the flesh. Shed your tears, dry your eyes, get back at the feet of Jesus and keep it moving. Don't allow your mistake or if you like me your mistakes to immobilize your destiny. You have come to far to let a flesh wound stop you. You have survived gun shots, brokenness, loneliness, poverty, unemployment, abuse, set backs, set ups and even suicide attempts so please don't allow a paper cut to take you out!!!! In the words of the songwriter Aaliyah, "If at first you don't succeed then dust yourself off and try again!!!" And keep on trying until you allow God to teach you how to get it right. Deliverance is not a single act of freedom, Deliverance is a lifestyle of living in the will of God. It's not an isolated event for particular areas in your life. True Deliverance is birthed from struggles, True Deliverance is birthed from set backs and set ups. True Deliverance comes from your failures and shortcomings because even though you fall seven times each time you get back up with the knowledge of how not to fall again and the number 7 is God's number of completion. It doesn't mean you have only 7 times to mess up it means you are going to fall but falling is not a indication of false salvation or false deliverance, it is not a indication of hypocrisy. But when you do fall you need to get back up until your test to gain conquer-ship over your flesh is obtained and completed. So the revelation is though you fall, get back up because your deliverance is found in your decision to get back up and keep it moving!!! The race isn't given to the swift but to those who endure to the end so remember your faith is in your fight and your fight is the key to your future and your future contains life and that is a life of abundance and overflow...see you at the finish line.......

DON'T STOP DREAMING.COM

The bible teaches us to write the vision and make it plain, and that those who read it may run with it and tho it trarrys it shall come to past, in its due season it shall speak and not lie.......This scripture taken from the book of the minor prophet Habakkuk speaks volumes in our lives. It demonstrates the power our dreams or vision have on our lives. Everything starts with your vision, with your dreams...you dream what you believe and you believe what you perceive and your perceptions are always manifested in your visions. Joseph's destiny began with his dreams, and because of his dreams he was sent to the pit, the prison and then finally to the palace where he lived his life in abundance. When Joseph was dreaming he didn't base the validity of his dreams on his current situations, because he didn't perceive that his current state was his destined state and because of this his belief wasn't in what he could presently see but what he saw in his visions. So examine your own personal life, I know things don't currently look like what you saw in that dream, what you saw in that vision but you have to have faith in what you saw because your dreams and visions are not subjected to your current situation but your current situation is subjected to your dreams and visions which means the place you are in now has to change in order for you, your life and the things around you to line up with what your vision has spoken. Remember the scripture says it shall speak and not lie. Allow your visions and dreams to empower you to fight through all that you see now. Because what you see now, is just the red tape you have to go through to get to the glory on the other side. You may be trapped in Egypt under pharaohs rule, you may be stuck in the wilderness or in the belly of a whale but if you just hold on to what your vision said, God will be faithful to deliver you into the hands of your destiny and your life shall become the manifestation of your vision. God didn't send you your dreams and visions just as a trailer to the upcoming film called your life. He sent you those dreams and visions to keep you encouraged, empowered and assured that His words shall not lie. God said in his word that if we can't believe him for what He said then believe Him for His works. Those works are in your visions. Back in 2003 when I first received Christ in my life, I had dreams and visions of me being delivered from homosexuality, masturbation, low self-esteem and depression. I had dreams of me writing a book and helping people who were hurting just as I was and now 8 years later, I stand before the Lord, DELIVERED from homosexuality, depression, masturbation, low-self esteem and my book entitled, 'Tears of Deliverance is set to be released in August of this year. So I don't care how your situations looks, just keep holding on to the promise, keep holding on to your dreams and your visions because though they tarry, wait for them, because in due season they shall speak and not lie and your life will be their manifestation!!!!!!

Journal Entry from my book, "Tears of Deliverance"

Journal Entry 6

So much has been happening in my life. God has been blessing and I have been messing. I realized today that I struggle with current issues because I haven’t healed from past hurts. I’m so tired of dealing with low self esteem, sexual desires and just living poorly in its entirety. Sometimes I sit back and wonder does God has a concern for my spiritual well being. I mean the world calls me gay and faggot because my gender behavior doesn’t match those stereotyped for a man. You know what I’m sorry my voice isn’t deep enough, I’m sorry I’m fat, I’m sorry I’m less attractive than other people, I’m sorry I don’t have muscles or a strong physique. I’m tired of having oral and anal sex just to be liked for a moment. I am tired of guys coming in and out of my life with no real friendships. I am tired of having sexual encounter after sexual encounter just to feel some form of emotional attachment. I am tired of having no solutions to my issues and I just sit back and think why?? When I think about my future there is a wife, kids, house and etc. And that’s what I want. That’s what I desire to have but I am so afraid that It won’t happen because I don’t know how to approach a woman. I was never taught how to be a man so I’m 25 years old with the man knowledge of a child. I am so low in self esteem woman intimidate me. I think who wants to be with a faggot. If I see a woman looking at me or people in general I ask myself what’s wrong with me, they must be talking about how gay I look or how fat I am or how ugly I am. My-self perception is so destructive. I m just so tired of the emotional and mental pain I am in daily. I hear of stories of how God performed the miraculous and delivered people instantaneous from and addiction or an affliction and I sit back and ask when is my turn going to come. But yet I am not giving up. Just this morning I had sex with an ex. I didn’t want to but I did it anyway. I felt the condemnation, I felt the sickening of my stomach but I did it anyway. No matter what I decide to do or how I decide to do it when I’m feeling depressed or lonely I turn back to sex. I hate it, I dislike it, and I just want to be normal. I just want to be a man, masculine, attractive and straight. God where is my encounter and where is my miracle. I am not reading my word or praying like I used to. I am tired of going to church and not feeling the presence of God. Am I so filthy that even God doesn’t want to be around me? I am tired of not having any male friends to help teach me the things men are suppose to know and behave. I am tired of living in poverty and barely surviving. I am tired of working at McDonalds for a little over minimum wage and less than 30 hours but in the midst of all this I am still thank for the job and thankful for the money that I do make. My knees are knocked and my feet are slew and God I just don’t know what to do. I barely can explain how I feel. Am I emotional or emotionless? Why did you create me like this, what is my purpose, how will my destiny manifest itself? If I can’t say no to the park on Sundays, adam4adam, craigslist or BGC how can I ever find a wife? I hate myself, I hate my behaviors. I’m 25 still in undergrad, I am not close to being married, I have no real male friends, I have no spiritual support system but God I am still trying. My heart is heavy but it still beats for you. My hands and body are dirty but I still want to serve you. My mouth is unclean but I still want to talk to you. I still want to teach, preach and prophesy your word. My mind is a mess but I still want to see visions and dreams. God when is it going to be my turn? When am I going to be completely healed? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to do? God you have to do something because I’m falling and this time I don’t think I can get back up……..