Essence of TRUE Deliverance!!!

For many years we have been conditioned in our thinking that deliverance equals to perfection and that without perfection than deliverance hasn't been achieved. So because of this we have caused many of believers to fall by the waste side and live in condemnation. My friends we have erred in our thinking. I know that the transparency in this post may not be good for my public image but I do know that it is needed for my spiritual growth and my image in the eyes of God who is my one and only critic. As I lay in my bed this afternoon sobbing and soaking in my guilt from falling back into sexual sin I began to question my deliverance. I began to question my ability to win this battle and survive the upcoming war. But God, so faithful as HE has always been, allowed the Holy Spirit to speak to my innermost being,  pass my own thought process. He began to reveal to me the true meaning of deliverance and what I needed to do to continually walk in that deliverance. True deliverance is the ability to not be overtaken or submit to the sin that desires to control your life be it in act, thought or deed. Deliverance doesn't mean no temptation will come but it simply means that the sin that so easily besets you has no more power or control over you. God has blessed you with the ability to fight and fight victoriously. So my next question was: if that is the case then why have I found myself back into the sin that I once was victorious over. And the story of David came to my spirit that completely blessed me. When David fought Goliath he had the power to defeat Goliath before he entered into the battle, before he approached and stood his ground against his giant, God had already given and equipped him with the power and ability he needed to be victorious so when he got ready to fight Goliath he was victorious because he used his God given power with his God given resources and the combination of the two brought forth his deliverance from the hand of the uncircumcised giant. Let me make this plan. David had the strength and endurance to win a fight when he was still a shepherd's boy. That's how he slew the lion. He had the resources because he already had his stones when he was still as shepherds boy. So when he entered into the fight with his Giant he didn't come with perfection, he didn't come with deliverance he came with his resources that God had already equipped him with. So God began to show me that at the point of salvation He already equipped me with the resources and power needed to conquer my giant. All I have to do is make sure I bring my weapons with me. My falling short was a direct effect of me leaving my weapon which is the word of God at home when I should have brought it to the fight. See when Jesus healed, helped and set the captives free, he always said GO AND SIN NO MORE....Which implies that the power of deliverance resides in the person being delivered. And if this is so then deliverance isn't a single act or moment of conversion, its a lifestyle of decision making, its a lifestyle of utilizing all of your God given resources and becoming victorious when your giant is presented. God knew and knows you will be faced with your Goliath, that's why he put the urge in your spirit to get in His presence more, that's why you have been feeling more and more convicted about not reading your bible and not intensifying your prayer life. God knows and knew your giant was coming. God isn't a God who reacts to adversary, He is a God of pro-activity. The time is over in seeking deliverance because deliverance has already found you, now is the time to be proactive and tap into the power and authority that God has given you while you were still a Shepard's boy so we can all do just as David did and that's slay our Goliath. I speak no more defeats, I speak unlimited victories over your life. Right now as I type I see in the spirit a vision of your and my goliath laying on the ground dead with blood oozing from a head wound inflicted by the stone thrown from your and my hand. Let me make this plan...blood is the symbol of life, the head is the center of control and Goliath is your sin, your thorn, your situation and the stone is the word of God, your praise, your worship, your choices..so the oozing of blood out of the head symbolizes the life being drained out of your sin and its control over you has been broken.....I don't know about you but I feel a praise of victory in my spirit so I leave you with the words of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and that is Go and sin no More!!!!!

Paternity Test: Who is your Father??

So many of us are upset at our absentee fathers and or mothers and we blame our present dysfunctions on their lack of functionality in our lives but God shared something with me long ago about this: He told me that the reason why my mother and father wasn't there when I was growing up wasn't because they didn't love me it was because they didn't possess the skills and resources to deal with a child with my destiny, so God had to place me in the care of a person who can not only fight in the natural realm but also do battle in the spirit. See you have to understand that the bible teaches us that before we were formed in our mother's womb God foreknew us and called and consecrated us to be his prophet to the nations. Which means God created you even before your mother knew you existed. Your destiny was pre-planned and your parents who were not there didn't have the spiritual intellect to understand the power they were creating. Sure they tried when you were born, but they just couldn't seem to get it together so God placed your big momma, your grandmother, your babysitter, your foster mother, your foster father, cousin, sister, aunt or brother in your life because he knew they would be able to take care of the gift you was carrying. I used to always ask God why did my folks give me away to my babysitter, Mrs. Ellawee Boyd??? And God reminded me of the story she used to tell me about how she had to pray the demons and spirits out of my crib because from birth the devil was out to kill me. I remember her telling me that when I was only a few weeks old, I weighed 4lbs and 40z and I had no appetite and the doctor informed her that if I lost 1 more pound I would loose my life. So she took me into her prayer closet and gave me to God and she said a light from heaven came down and every since then I haven't stopped eating. See God knew that I needed a caretaker with enough spiritual power to cover me and protect me from the attack of the enemy. So my brothers and my sisters I beseech you brethren to let it go!!! It is time to forgive your father and or your mother for being absent because look at yourself in the mirror and think back on all the mothers and fathers you did have....Yes it was rough, and yes you have been hurt and maybe still hurting and yes you have cried and felt abandoned but you were never alone, you was never without, you ate and slept because your Father who sits in heaven provided for you, your Father in heaven gave you caretakers that was anointed and appointed just for and to you. You were chosen to be raised this way so that the Glory of God can be seen through your life. It is time for you to rise up out of the ashes and let the giftings in you be seen by the world. You were conceived out of the seed of Glory. God himself birthed you out so get up and let go of the past and walk into you future and obtain your birth right to live life and life it in abundance!!!!

KEEP IT MOVING

The bible teaches us a just man falls seven times but he gets back up. So many times in our life we create paths and plans to make sure we stay on the road of perfection to that place in which we have accepted to be positioned in and so many times we are detoured or knocked off course by our own failures and shortcomings. We gain deliverance from sexual immorality but fall back into sexual sin, we gain deliverance from lying and cursing and cheating and stealing but we find ourselves right back in the very place we have prayed our way out of. Then our road maps that we previously created began to become blurred and we get discouraged because we start to feel like all is lost. We start allowing our mistakes and shortcomings to define who we are. We start placing our focus on what we didn't do instead of focusing on what we need to do and that's get back up and keep it moving. The God who created you, is the same God who saved you and He is the same God who sees, hears and knows everything so when he created grace and mercy, he created them for people like you and me. He created grace and mercy because he knew along the way we will need pillars of power and carriages of courage to lead and carry us to our destiny. Yes you failed but yet you still breath which means grace and mercy is still on your side, so get back up. As you read this you may find yourself just as I was back into the bed of sexual sin, but don't lay there and waddle in your guilt, get up...repent, wash your body, wash your sheets and kick out the devil you allowed in and keep it moving. For the bible declares now there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus who walk after the Spirit and not after the flesh. Shed your tears, dry your eyes, get back at the feet of Jesus and keep it moving. Don't allow your mistake or if you like me your mistakes to immobilize your destiny. You have come to far to let a flesh wound stop you. You have survived gun shots, brokenness, loneliness, poverty, unemployment, abuse, set backs, set ups and even suicide attempts so please don't allow a paper cut to take you out!!!! In the words of the songwriter Aaliyah, "If at first you don't succeed then dust yourself off and try again!!!" And keep on trying until you allow God to teach you how to get it right. Deliverance is not a single act of freedom, Deliverance is a lifestyle of living in the will of God. It's not an isolated event for particular areas in your life. True Deliverance is birthed from struggles, True Deliverance is birthed from set backs and set ups. True Deliverance comes from your failures and shortcomings because even though you fall seven times each time you get back up with the knowledge of how not to fall again and the number 7 is God's number of completion. It doesn't mean you have only 7 times to mess up it means you are going to fall but falling is not a indication of false salvation or false deliverance, it is not a indication of hypocrisy. But when you do fall you need to get back up until your test to gain conquer-ship over your flesh is obtained and completed. So the revelation is though you fall, get back up because your deliverance is found in your decision to get back up and keep it moving!!! The race isn't given to the swift but to those who endure to the end so remember your faith is in your fight and your fight is the key to your future and your future contains life and that is a life of abundance and overflow...see you at the finish line.......

DON'T STOP DREAMING.COM

The bible teaches us to write the vision and make it plain, and that those who read it may run with it and tho it trarrys it shall come to past, in its due season it shall speak and not lie.......This scripture taken from the book of the minor prophet Habakkuk speaks volumes in our lives. It demonstrates the power our dreams or vision have on our lives. Everything starts with your vision, with your dreams...you dream what you believe and you believe what you perceive and your perceptions are always manifested in your visions. Joseph's destiny began with his dreams, and because of his dreams he was sent to the pit, the prison and then finally to the palace where he lived his life in abundance. When Joseph was dreaming he didn't base the validity of his dreams on his current situations, because he didn't perceive that his current state was his destined state and because of this his belief wasn't in what he could presently see but what he saw in his visions. So examine your own personal life, I know things don't currently look like what you saw in that dream, what you saw in that vision but you have to have faith in what you saw because your dreams and visions are not subjected to your current situation but your current situation is subjected to your dreams and visions which means the place you are in now has to change in order for you, your life and the things around you to line up with what your vision has spoken. Remember the scripture says it shall speak and not lie. Allow your visions and dreams to empower you to fight through all that you see now. Because what you see now, is just the red tape you have to go through to get to the glory on the other side. You may be trapped in Egypt under pharaohs rule, you may be stuck in the wilderness or in the belly of a whale but if you just hold on to what your vision said, God will be faithful to deliver you into the hands of your destiny and your life shall become the manifestation of your vision. God didn't send you your dreams and visions just as a trailer to the upcoming film called your life. He sent you those dreams and visions to keep you encouraged, empowered and assured that His words shall not lie. God said in his word that if we can't believe him for what He said then believe Him for His works. Those works are in your visions. Back in 2003 when I first received Christ in my life, I had dreams and visions of me being delivered from homosexuality, masturbation, low self-esteem and depression. I had dreams of me writing a book and helping people who were hurting just as I was and now 8 years later, I stand before the Lord, DELIVERED from homosexuality, depression, masturbation, low-self esteem and my book entitled, 'Tears of Deliverance is set to be released in August of this year. So I don't care how your situations looks, just keep holding on to the promise, keep holding on to your dreams and your visions because though they tarry, wait for them, because in due season they shall speak and not lie and your life will be their manifestation!!!!!!

Journal Entry from my book, "Tears of Deliverance"

Journal Entry 6

So much has been happening in my life. God has been blessing and I have been messing. I realized today that I struggle with current issues because I haven’t healed from past hurts. I’m so tired of dealing with low self esteem, sexual desires and just living poorly in its entirety. Sometimes I sit back and wonder does God has a concern for my spiritual well being. I mean the world calls me gay and faggot because my gender behavior doesn’t match those stereotyped for a man. You know what I’m sorry my voice isn’t deep enough, I’m sorry I’m fat, I’m sorry I’m less attractive than other people, I’m sorry I don’t have muscles or a strong physique. I’m tired of having oral and anal sex just to be liked for a moment. I am tired of guys coming in and out of my life with no real friendships. I am tired of having sexual encounter after sexual encounter just to feel some form of emotional attachment. I am tired of having no solutions to my issues and I just sit back and think why?? When I think about my future there is a wife, kids, house and etc. And that’s what I want. That’s what I desire to have but I am so afraid that It won’t happen because I don’t know how to approach a woman. I was never taught how to be a man so I’m 25 years old with the man knowledge of a child. I am so low in self esteem woman intimidate me. I think who wants to be with a faggot. If I see a woman looking at me or people in general I ask myself what’s wrong with me, they must be talking about how gay I look or how fat I am or how ugly I am. My-self perception is so destructive. I m just so tired of the emotional and mental pain I am in daily. I hear of stories of how God performed the miraculous and delivered people instantaneous from and addiction or an affliction and I sit back and ask when is my turn going to come. But yet I am not giving up. Just this morning I had sex with an ex. I didn’t want to but I did it anyway. I felt the condemnation, I felt the sickening of my stomach but I did it anyway. No matter what I decide to do or how I decide to do it when I’m feeling depressed or lonely I turn back to sex. I hate it, I dislike it, and I just want to be normal. I just want to be a man, masculine, attractive and straight. God where is my encounter and where is my miracle. I am not reading my word or praying like I used to. I am tired of going to church and not feeling the presence of God. Am I so filthy that even God doesn’t want to be around me? I am tired of not having any male friends to help teach me the things men are suppose to know and behave. I am tired of living in poverty and barely surviving. I am tired of working at McDonalds for a little over minimum wage and less than 30 hours but in the midst of all this I am still thank for the job and thankful for the money that I do make. My knees are knocked and my feet are slew and God I just don’t know what to do. I barely can explain how I feel. Am I emotional or emotionless? Why did you create me like this, what is my purpose, how will my destiny manifest itself? If I can’t say no to the park on Sundays, adam4adam, craigslist or BGC how can I ever find a wife? I hate myself, I hate my behaviors. I’m 25 still in undergrad, I am not close to being married, I have no real male friends, I have no spiritual support system but God I am still trying. My heart is heavy but it still beats for you. My hands and body are dirty but I still want to serve you. My mouth is unclean but I still want to talk to you. I still want to teach, preach and prophesy your word. My mind is a mess but I still want to see visions and dreams. God when is it going to be my turn? When am I going to be completely healed? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to do? God you have to do something because I’m falling and this time I don’t think I can get back up……..