It’s been over 3 weeks since I wrote my last blog. My birthday was yesterday and I began to hear God speaking through different people who He had placed in my life to celebrate this day with me. They began to minister to me and encourage me to keep on the road to my destiny. Then today a Facebook friend of mine reached out to me for prayer because she was suicidal.
As I began to minister to her and counsel her I began to get a revelation on our issues in life and on our mental processes. We have to understand that there is a process to purpose. And in that process you have to gain the characteristic or discipline of accountability. So many things take place in our life. People intentionally hurt us, they abuse us, and they steal, kill and even attempt to destroy us.
Our ex’s stalk us and threaten to take our lives, our spouses cheat on us, our friends betray us and even our parents and guardians abuse us. We allow the effects of those incidents to cripple and hinder us from moving forward. We blame our shortcomings and bad decision making on our absentee fathers or our abusive mothers. We never hold ourselves accountable for our actions.
I was a victim of child hood molestation from 6 years old until I was about 16 years of age. I struggled with low self esteem, sexual identity issues, masturbation and etc. I have since been saved and delivered but for the past month I have been stuck in a vicious cycle of sexual sin. As a result I started blaming my current situation on my past abuse. It wasn’t my fault that I was back in sexual sin, it was my uncle’s fault, it was my abuser’s fault, and it was my Pastors’ fault for not calling and checking up on me. I was wrong. No one forced me to return back, no one held me up at gun point. I went back because I was weak. I went back because I decided to. I went back because it was easier than fighting the loneliness that I was feeling. I went back because the process to my purpose became too intense. I went back because I doubted who I was in God. I went back because of me.
In that moment I realized I needed accountability. I needed to stop being a victim and actually start being a victor. Yes those bad things happened to us. Yes they scared us and left residue but they have no power over us unless we allow them to. Some wounds leave scares and marks that won’t ever disappear but they can be worn with confidence and as a symbol of survival. As I was counseling the young lady she started to tell me how she needed a husband and someone to love her so she could survive and deal with life.
Then I realized hey, this sounds like me. I have said so many times I need a wife so this struggle can be over. I need a wife so I can deal with this loneliness. Then the revelation hit me. We don’t marry to fill voids. We don’t get into friendships and have children to fill voids. We marry to create a new life, we marry to create a new entity, we marry to celebrate our wholeness, and we marry because we are complete. We have children because we have too much love to contain within ourselves so we have to pass it on to new life. We create friendships to share our lives and love with others.
We can’t be broken and get married. We can’t be broken and have children. We can’t be broken have meaningful friendships. That’s why we have to go through the process to gain our purpose and position. We have to learn to love ourselves and learn to be content with being alone. We have to work on becoming a whole person before we can share a life with another. Esther went through a year process of preparation before she was even introduced to the king. Ruth was gleaming in the garden when Boaz first saw her. These stories from scripture tell me that we have to be working in our purpose and make it through our process before we can be positioned to access our prosperity. So join me on the process, let’s repent and go back to the throne of our Father and get back into our process. Let’s allow Jesus to truly heal those hurt and dry places in our lives. Let’s start loving ourselves. Let’s overcome loneliness together so that we won’t be strayed away by every form of intimacy that the enemy sends our way. Let’s wait patiently while being submitted to God’s process to prepare us for our predestined purpose.
